I'm Back Thursday, January 8, 2009

I have a habit of disappearing which, as a New Year's resolution, I've promised family and friends that I would do a lot less of. A lot has changed. Toward the end of last year I finally gathered the required testicular fortitude to leave my old job. It wasn't that hard to do, seeing as how I got paid in pocket lint and the belongings of coworkers left unattended (if it's your watch, why come it's in my pocket?). Word to the pawn shop. With my new found free time, I've gotten into spewing out random thoughts. You've been warned.

What does one do with no job during the holidays? The same thing everyone else does during the holidays, chill the hell out. Since I had nowhere in particular to be for those couple of weeks, bathing had become a completely optional exercise in padding my self worth (yes ladies, I'm quite the catch). Without my job I must admit that I fell way behind on email... I probably won't be getting up on that anytime soon. But let me address a few concerns en masse.

First I would like to thank everyone who sent email/wrote on my Facebook wall/threw small rocks at my bedroom window/etc. to say happy birthday. Things like that start to mean more when you're my age (I turned 25 yet again). Also, to my homies that emailed me about Xbox/PlayStation games of theirs I've had for way too long, have a freakin' heart... what else do you expect me to do while I battle unemployment? To those that have emailed about money I owe them, you may want to talk to my attorney G. Breadman; his office hours are a little shady, so catch him if you can.

I been eating a lot of jelly lately.

A couple of Saturdays ago, I got into a heated cursing match with this homeless blind dude from around the way (the handicap are not exempt from my aggressiveness, because that would be discrimination) who swears up and down that I bumped into him while he was walking down the street. If you are blind and in motion, can you ever really be certain that someone bumped into you and not the other way around? At the end of our exchange this dude took like six or so swings at me; but by that time I had already quietly walked past him.

If more dudes openly admitted to banging fat chicks, Maury would have a lot less of those DNA paternity test shows, thereby and hitherto making the world a better place for you and for me. I would now like to take this opportunity to swear on a stack of bibles that I have never banged a fat chick that I will ever admit to. [INSERT DIVERSION HERE]

Castro in '04 '08 '12 (I know for a fact that I got at least two write-in votes in '04 because I voted twice).