How to Legally Choke Kids Thursday, October 15, 2009

As many of you may already know by now (and by many, I mean the twelve of us who bother to read my blog; sometimes even I forget to read it), I am back working in the education system; because times are hard and education is always looking for more black men to jerk around. School ain't what it used to be not even in the four or so years that I stepped away from working with kids.

Part of the problem is that there is way too much damn coddling going on with these little bite-sized terrorists. The fact of the matter is they need less Mr. Belvedere and more Mister Joe Jackson. Say what you will, but he raised two musical icons in the forms of Janet and Michael; even Jermaine had a shot, but he didn't know how to tell his stylist 'That's too damned much vaseline you be putting on my face!'. I'm tired of watching one of these little brats punching the little brat sitting next to him, and then the principal wants me to pull him to the side and discuss his feelings about punching his neighbor.

Eff yo' feelings nigga! They don't need their feelings to be discussed.

They need to be told '... sit the eff down, shut the eff up, or someone's going to come through and beat the eff out of you!' But alas, that isn't allowed when other adults are present.

I remember the last time I worked for the school district, I got into trouble for breaking up a fight between two sixth graders; not for breaking up the fight, but because of how I broke up the fight. One student was trying to stab another student with a pencil, so I horse collared the lil' sum'bitch; similar to what they outlawed in football, except I yanked this heathen by his soul. The principal pulled me into a conference, I thought to give me a medal for saving a life, but instead he wanted to talk about the life I almost took. Douchebag.

They got too many first year teachers in the schools these days. They're the opposite of neva scared... they're always scared. I can't tell you how many times (this week) I've had to personally escort a student to the dean's office, all because his/her teacher was a punk and a half.

Here's a new rule: you are not allowed to be scared of someone that you could literally sit on to death. Write that one down.

Eff yo' segue nigga! Brief tangent alert.

I run into a lot of jigglets that act like our president can do no wrong. I support Obama still, but here's something he did wrong; he took the CEO of a failing education system, and put him in charge of all the failing education systems. If two students get shot a week (notice that they don't keep stats on all the students who were simply shot at) in your school system, I feel like you've forfeited any promotion that may have been coming your way. Could you imagine me consistently burning the apple pies at McDonald's, yet still getting promoted to fries? Ronald McDonald would turn into Homie D. Clown over some shit like that. But what isn't good enough for fast food is apparently good enough for our kids.

Ironically, at the rate we're going, most of these little shit stains won't be able to get jobs at McDonald's. Oh yeah I almost forgot, I believe children are our future.